I get asked quite a few questions with 18 days to the wedding. “Are you nervous?” “Do you think marriage will change you both?” “Do you want children?” “How do you know the one/ Are you sure?” And the doozy, “Are you settling?”
I sometimes wish I was more quick witted like my sister with some answers, but after being asked more than once some general answers are surfacing.
“Are you nervous?”
This is fine because I’m more nervous someone will intentionally be dramatic and over the top on my wedding day than the actual marriage itself. So is this question more specific to am I excited to marry a man I love then the answer is heck no. I’m not 20. I have lived independently and been absolutely fine. I’ve dated Mr. Hell No, Mr. No and Mr. Run away right now. Perhaps if I was marrying my high school boyfriend and never lived outside my parents house, the answer might be more of a wonderment. I am thrilled to marry such an awesome man. Now if someone can stop my family from their overdramatic nature like the moment of my wedding day is life or death for them and not about love and happiness, then I’ll be thrilled. A few members of my clan suffer from social anxiety and the energy of nerves gets released in some grand blow up. I’d like to avoid all that if possible, and just see everyone happy.
“Do you think marriage will change you?”
If I thought marriage would change who I am and I’d never enjoy the same things ever again then heck yes the answer to the earlier question changes. We are both two individuals with experiences that helped us grow and change. If I had met my almost husband at age 25 even, I’d have not been emotionally ready. At 25 I was finally rebelling against my family and figuring out who I am. Marriage was not on the radar for me at that moment. But now, I’m just excited. Of course life is a journey where we all grow and change and life takes us in new directions. But this would happen either way, and now we both have this partnership where someone is coming along for the ride. How cool is that? I’m in.
“Do you want children?”
‘Yes, why not. But we’re taking life one step at a time, and right now we’re focusing on the wedding.’
Let’s just ruin everything by mentioning a biological clock and not take the present moment as it is and run with this question. My father is so old school. My name is Victoria, so that should be obvious. He spoke to the priest at Church and spread his opinion that ‘next thing you know my daughter will end up pregnant and have to get married sooner.’ He has also told me that until I write a proper murder mystery that I’m not a real author, so hey we all have a critic that we love anyhow. And dad’s comment had me shaking my head. We live in 2013 and I’m not pregnant. So how is that a real fear for anyone? Sigh, old school parents straight out of a victorian tale.
“How do you know he’s the one/ Are you sure?”
‘Yep, ready to go.’
Its the same question to me. I’m not all mighty God and I don’t know everything. I don’t know how my life will be in twenty years, but I have a track I prefer. (Alive, full time author of many books, wife, mother.) But I don’t know anything or what will be or not be. I stopped, listened to my heart and nothing else. And spending my life with him would make everything more amazing than without having a partner. I said yes because my heart said to, and for once I’m listening. I recommend listening to your heart to anyone.
“Are you settling?”
Once you hit thirty the reminder that people ‘your age’ don’t get married is some old wives tale. And do we live in the 1800s still? My life was fine before. I was quite content on being single until I met my fiance. I had sold books. I was productive. And I knew who I was finally. My mind was at peace, and I had even stopped wearing makeup on my face for a few years and went outside. I didn’t melt away. Life was good and the truth is I miss a bit of the freedom, but I don’t miss it even more. And I’m happy to share the small stuff with. Good days. Bad days. Glamourous or boring moments. Everything is great. If I said yes, I’ve settled on a life of happiness that is sharing and hopeful.
So I hope these answers help others a bit. We all go slightly crazy 18 days before the wedding. My signs haven’t arrived yet on the computer and I’m thinking online shopping isn’t going to get here in time anymore. But it doesn’t matter because in 19 days, we’re on our honeymoon.
Oh brides, I recommend booking something immediately after, even if it’s small. In Florida, we’re lucky to get the Florida rates on cruise lines. It made it cheaper than Disney or the same price as a few days in the keys. I remember in Boston, a relative took a weekend in Maine, but I do recommend disconnecting.
Friday I am off to pay off vendors for the wedding. So I don’t know the posting schedule, but I’ll be back soon.
Chaperoning Paris has a final release date of June 11th. Favorite Coffee, Favorite Crush June 12th. The wedding is June 14th. And I’m giving a speech on how to write science fiction June 10th. So lots of things to do and my mind goes into a fog recently. Hope y’all have a great week. And if you can help at all with book release information, I know it’s last minute, but I’d appreciate it… let me know… https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1ed0O3nvJ66-Cqgur9qiHBf8ML2MhvcdJifS6UtcDmf4/viewform?usp=send_form