Transitioning from single to married wasn’t a huge deal. I loved my husband. The choice was simple. But for nine months my entire body changed. I couldn’t imagine the person who would come out of me or what she’d look like. I had a hard time imagining myself as a mom.
My own mother took great care of me. She took my siblings and I out and she was selfless most of the time. For years I was a selfish woman who cared about her schooling, her own happiness, and her own decisions. None of this included others.
However the second Diana was born, I felt this huge shift inside me. I stared into her blueish eyes, (which will probably transition to brown though my own mom is hoping they stay blue like her eyes), and I saw who expected me to watch out for them.
Immediately we had some issues. I couldn’t breast feed her and she was losing too much weight. (She has a tongue tie, the same as her father and my grandmother. I had no idea what that was, but we went to the Ear, Nose, Throat doctor and he took care of it in a simple procedure. My grandmother was livid that the hospital didn’t do it the day Diana was born, like they did in her time.) Now we continue to see nurses to ensure that she’s thriving, and thankfully she is now gaining weight.
The doctors and nurses at the hospital all tell you over and over again that newborns lose their weight, but honestly, I should have listened to my gut instincts and bottle fed her. It would have helped her until she had the quick fix of tongue that wouldn’t have left me scarred and bruised in a place where I still hope to feed her.
So once that was done, and I am now at home with a baby who can eat, I feel better. There is not much sleep, and it’s funny how even when I’m in the bathroom, I can hear every breath she makes.
I can also now see myself as protecting and watching out for my Diana. I already love her little laugh and I hope so much for her future. So basically this is new mom training 101 for me, and I am starting to see how the new ‘me’ is going to be. My husband now gets a lot of ‘that’s not good for Diana’ comments for me.